Contact PROTOCOL & social disclaimer 2024

Dear Readers/Viewers/Listeners/Supporters:

This disclaimer page will cover both general communication limits as well as some clarification and boundaries regarding bullying and abuse; rather than have two separate disclaimers for these, I have tried to just merge these into one.

Upon my return to social media for my new vlog, rekindling music promo etc I'm here to create content for awareness and/or enjoyment, to interact in the ways that I can, and to grow and succeed while also helping others - and - while also protecting my physical and mental health.

To begin, Overall, I very much appreciate your support, relating and solidarity when it comes to my social media presence and work as a music artist, writer and advocate. I enjoy connecting in the ways that I can, as I'm able to, but please do observe the limits below.

and…

To the few preexisting haters, take note: As I return to social media with my new content/goals, I have zero tolerance for any more abuse, harassment or smearing and I will block, delete and deal with these things rationally but accordingly and firmly. I have the right to succeed, heal, have mental health stability, build confidence/self esteem, move forward and find peace - and I will no longer let you take this away from me. (A bit more on my zero tolerance policy below)👇

IMPORTANT: ABOUT PERSONAL MESSAGING

When it comes to chatting and communication in direct messaging, please do know that I am most often not able to casually, frequently chat due being very busy surviving while working very, very hard, in a near-impossible situation, in order to reach my goals and ability to thrive. My energy is very limited and my focus must not be broken, therefore, please be aware when following me - whether it be Facebook, Instagram, Tik Tok or X - that I am not able to cater to personal/direct messaging. I do not like being repeatedly messaged in a clingy manner with daily “how are you” and “how was your day” type messages, which are ones intended to get me into a personal one on one conversation: Again, I am just not able to get into these conversations due to major constraints in my time and energy which I need to save for managing my health condition, parenting, my work content creating not to mention the current course I am doing.

In response to these kinds of personal messages I will have you read the this Contact Protocol, in order for clarification on my boundaries and why. If you cannot respect this and still take this personally, I will unfortunately need to block you. Even when it comes to those whom I may connect with strongly enough to befriend (this can’t be everyone, and please don’t take this personally!) I am not able to pm/direct message with them most of the time, other than on the odd occasion, and even then for only a short bit of time (a short convo and then a ‘goodbye, need to get back to work.’)

Email is best;

Specific questions can be emailed to me, and then I will need some time to respond to them. I may also be able to answer DMs if it is just for one brief, specific question (please begin your DM with “I just have a quick important question”) However, I cannot get into a chat. If I do not respond to you or tell you that I am busy and can’t chat, please do not take this personally; If you attack me for not being able to cater to your personal need to chat I will block you.

The best way to connect;

The best way to connect with me, please observe my content; photos, posts, videos, music and comment there, share, engage etc - this is the way to engage with me. This is what helps me and my work grow. If you care for me/my work you will want to help my growth, right? and expecting me to chat one on one with you when I am unable to is unfair and takes away from my ability to do my work and grow. Please do also note, however, that I may not be able to respond to every single comment, but I do try to read and ‘like’ most of if not all of my comments (depending on how many come up!)

More on common bullying/targeting issues:

Relating to autism/neurodivergence;

I am neurodivergent with diagnosed autism one (formerly known as Asperger Syndrome.) This is a very definitive diagnosis made via several types of psychometric tests as well as viewing of my childhood video footage and interviews with those close to me. I am a self professed nerd and geek (though also a rebel!) With my health condition and likely shortened lifespan especially, I have zero energy to perform and/or conform to a different way of being other than my unique self; awkwardness, womanchild-like ways, outspoken-ness and all. I may be the aforementioned but it is not synonymous with stupid. Don’t assume that I am just because I am different and in touch with my inner kid/young girl. I owe it to myself to be and express my authentic self in my videos, especially just the casual ones where I am happy/doing something light. I may be more compromised in the discussion ones, though not necessarily ‘socially performing.’

Also, if you don’t understand the meaning of something I may have said - as I tend to communicate a little differently at times - ask me before assuming you know what I meant.

Relating to Chronic Illness;

I may have a very challenging and painful condition but I have, over the many years, learned to be very tough and willfully try to rise above enough to try and live as best I humanly can each day - which is easier and more possible some days over others (depending on whether it’s a bad or a ‘better’ - or even occasionally a good - day.) This is why some people may find it hard to believe that I am as unwell or in as much pain as I say; They couldn’t imagine being able to rise above like this. They have not experienced having no choice but to do so or otherwise be very miserable, as has been the case with me. So they don’t know what that is like and/or why. It’s skill that I have built over time; in the earlier days of getting worse with health I was emotionally melting down a lot, but I have grown stronger and more capable over time - though this does not mean I don’t hurt and suffer a fair bit yet still, and I try to be open about this where I can, for the sake of education and awareness.

Not only do I not look obviously ill (because, like many other chronic illnesses, EDS is a very invisible illness and invisible disability on the outside) I am often seen being charismatic, passionately discussing a topic, smiling and trying to rise above and find joy in things - even when I am in a fair bit of pain and fatigue. I am often stubbornly pushing for extra energy and usually to some extent ‘borrowing’ it via daily pain medication treatment, coffee/tea, and even adrenaline and sheer will (and an important part of being able to borrow energies means I need to take recharge breaks, and this relates to why my capacity for things like DMs is so limited.) I do all this not because I am ‘ashamed’ of being sick but because I genuinely want to live - especially because EDS is so challenging that it could easily rob me of all quality of life (I explain more about this journey in much of my content) However, there are still numerous times and days when I am unable to do this and need to lay low and rest. The more resources (especially financial) I can hone for myself the more this can improve, which is what I am striving for.

In all of this, I have completely zero tolerance for ‘faker’ accusations/comments.

I genuinely do suffer daily and frequently, much more than one observing my work on the internet may see; My health condition Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome is very definitively diagnosed, as are the traits and effects of it. I am on thirteen medications a day currently in order to try and manage effects. No ‘faker’ takes a pill pack of 13 meds a day for ‘fun’! Again, I just don’t like to appear vulnerable and a lot of the worst suffering that I do is often in private. However and again, for education, I do try to share about it as I can because I think it’s important for people to understand how intensely challenging of a condition EDS is, why and how being chronically ill is in general, especially on a younger person just wanting to live their life and reach goals and dreams.

One of my favorite, most relatable memes reads ‘Actually, you’ve got it backwards - I’m faking being well!” - This couldn’t ring any more true for me!

More Regarding Personal Communication Limits;

When it comes to personal interaction on my social media profiles, I am generally unable to form new, ongoing friendships and/or chat back and forth in any way whether it be DM or email. Though again, even on the occasional that I do befriend you because we have some things strongly in common, this does not mean I am able to frequently chat/email. I may wish I can, but this doesn’t mean I actually can due to my realistic capacity. As already noted above, please respect this.

Importantly, I am not actively looking to date anyone, although I am okay with folks respectfully admiring me/my modeling work, and paying respectful uplifting compliments (which I appreciate!) This does indeed feel good when one is dealing with chronic pain and makes the effort to dress up and look nice, though I don’t need compliments to feel good about myself (as I used to when younger.) However, due to my personal challenges with chronic illness, intimacy in a relationship would be quite challenging and I’m not up for or looking to get into an intimate relationship, though I do have many male supporters/friends and I am okay with them paying me respectful compliments as iterated below. However, I’m also still married to my current husband, although not living together due to need for space, we do sometimes still have social time/dinner/romance on a personal note - and we co parent our kids together. Yes, our relationship is a bit unconventional but we are adults, we are also neurodivergent, and this is what works best for us and is our business!

Flirting/Sexuality:

Please do not make overly sexualized comments that objectify me in vulgar ways on my various public social media outlets where it’s not appropriate. I deal with sexual trauma due to history, though I am gradually trying to heal from that and come into my sexuality on my own terms, when I can and feel up to it. General compliments such as you look pretty or beautiful or lovely or something like ‘That top is nice on you’ etc are totally okay and appreciated. Calling me hot is okay too, or even sexy in the right context and if done respectfully (like, if I am in a lighter video about fashion stuff wearing an outfit which is obviously meant to be rather sexy, like a tight low cut dress or something.) However, comments that refer to my body and/or as if I’m an object like ‘yum, nice legs’ or ‘I want some of that’ - and of course any using of crass language like ‘nice tits woman’ or ‘I wanna f*ck you hard” are upsetting and not welcome. They will be deleted, and if the commenter continues, they will be blocked and banned. Even on places like OnlyFans, where I have stricter limitations than most others on there (I do not post frequently, I focus on classy burlesque/lingerie/pin-up and geeky/reluctant girl next door stuff) I do not like dirty talk. I like to be spoken and complimented respectfully sensually, not aggressively with vulgarity.

Speaking of OnlyFans:

Due to severe financial struggles as of late, I did open an OnlyFans account. Please try not to judge me for that. There are many people in similar positions who do this also, and for the same reason. I will admit that is was in part out of desperation, though I refuse to exploit myself in ways that are triggering to me and too unpleasant for me and therefore I do have limitations on there. For one, for my own mental health I can only take it in smaller doses and therefore do not post too frequently on there (which is why the account is titled ‘Dreamer Queen Limited Edition.’) For two, my focus is on softer things like lingerie/pin-up/burlesque type modeling. Due to this, my ability to earn on there is limited. There is a lot of competition and OF has become dominated by hardcore p*rn, which is something I am unwilling to participate in especially frequently. It just would not be psychologically pleasant for me to a point that it is not worth doing, not to mention I am concerned about my reputation, and also loss of time and energy that I could otherwise have for the work I want to advance with and am actually passionate about. Please try to take these things into consideration and refrain from judging me. I do not intend to have an OnlyFans account or be an OnlyFans model permanently, and I will delete my OF account once I am able to sufficiently earn in other ways.

After deleting, I have considered creating a catalogue of the ‘best of’ content such as lingerie modeling albums available for sale in an offshoot store on my own website calling it Dreamer Queen Limited Edition Store (Mature Content) with a “You must be 19 or over” button to enter and a waiver all purchasers must sign indicating that they promise to have download the content for personal enjoyment and will not share it publicly.

My address:

Due to safety concerns, I am not able to give out my place of living address to anyone online. Please do not take this personally. I may give out the address of a willing relative for public mail, in particular circumstances. Eventually I pay get a P.O. Box, but only when it is worth the money to do so. Mail can still be addressed to me, in my name.

Skype, FaceTime, Google Hangout, Zoom, phone calls & text messaging;

I cannot do personal video or phone calls unless the matter is a professional request (such as a professional interview or meeting) or for a collaboration interview ie. a podcast about EDS. I've just had too many requests for chatting via Skype, phone call and/or personal text message/s. I can't keep up with it.

Not answering email';

Please note; Sometimes I may forget to answer a comment or to get back to you via email. If I don't get back to you, please do not take it personally. If it was very important and you were really hoping for an answer back, please send me another message gently and politely reminding me. I will not answer back to rude and/or demanding reminder messages

Nature of messages and/or comments requirements & zero tolerance for abuse policy:

I have visual processing challenges, so I can become overwhelmed with large bodies of words if they are not separated by paragraph (it looks too busy.) Also, it takes me a lot of energy to read and respond to longer messages because I like to respond to all aspects of what was said. However I may not have that energy to spare. I will struggle with responding if you're message or comment is too long/un-paragraphed, so please try to keep it succinct.

Please refrain from commenting very long, excessively or in an obsessive manner on my content and/or being toxic on my public posts. It’s totally okay to comment frequently if you are a frequent follower, if it’s in a positive manner - but that’s not what I’m talking about here. Unfortunately, I will have to ban/block those behaving intensely/repeatedly in the aforementioned manner when I am made to feel too uncomfortable/drained (if I ask politely for them to tone it down and they choose not to or seem unable to.)

Please also be polite to my fellow fans/supporters/followers and do not attack them, either. It is okay to disagree with someone, but please keep it civil. I will not tolerate abuse toward my followers any more than I will abuse toward myself.

I understand and sympathize with mental health challenges that may sometimes cause irrational behavior (though it does not excuse verbal abuse toward me) and please know that if I see any suicide threats I will likely take actions to get you some help. However, I still have to protect my own mental health and physical health, too… as well as the mental health of my followers. I would hope that one would consider that.

I have zero tolerance for abusive lash outs. You will be blocked and banned immediately if you do so.

Continuing harassment/targeting;

Continuing harassment/smear campaigning may be liable to civil litigation; I can and will defend myself if and when it becomes necessary, either by ignoring/repeatedly blocking or - if more serious and extreme - possible litigation (not for an isolated hateful comment, but for something like continuing, prolonged harassment/continued, repeated, fixated hate and smearing of my image/name - more about below👇)

Continuing harassment will be reported and blocked, and if smear campaigning occurs it will be dealt with, legally if needed. I intend to become open with the public about a name if I know who the person doing it is to call them out as well as clarify serious but untrue or exaggerated allegations - though ideally I am hoping I won’t have to do this and certain people will just be decent and choose to leave me alone/let it go. If people like this leave me alone, I will leave them alone - but if not I can and will defend myself and put things to a stop should that become necessary.

Unfortunately there are some disgruntled toxic people out there whom have in the past been abusive in my life (sadly some of whom are family, because I come from a toxic/dysfunctional family sorry to say, and it’s of course been rough) whom are also unhappy with me for having stood up to them and/or attempted to set boundaries with them. Like I said above, I cannot and will not any longer let fixating haters stop me from moving forward, by fear of their actions if I do, in terms of creating/sharing content, and of course healing and finding peace. In spite of threats which have occurred in the past, I need to be brave because I have the right to succeed, to heal and to find joy and peace. I will no longer let anyone try to take that from me.

After a long time of working on my confidence I have come to this place mentally as part of my tool kit in order to cope and move forward with success, in spite of the fact that such people do not want to see me succeed and if I do may try to lash out in order to try and tear me down. I am prepared for this possibility and coping with/dealing with it accordingly, though I’d rather it didn’t happen of course.

Therefore, I do ask that my supporters to consider screenshotting if they see any harassment, repeated hate, targeting and/or untrue/exaggerated serious allegations (aka slander) about me which is bad enough to potentially seriously harm my reputation (such as allegations I am stealing or somehow being fraudulent, or any other serious but untrue/exaggerated claims about my personal life, as well as just sharing inappropriately deeply personal information about my painful past, or anything like that in discussion or posted by someone who is a hater of me (whom I may have already blocked to prevent direct abuse.) I have the right to privacy regarding some of my painful past and mental health/trauma struggles and personal health/situational struggled.. until and if I myself choose to share any of these things! It’s not as if I have anything extremely terrible to hide but anyway, I am sure any reasonable person knows what I mean here. We all have the right to privacy, unless someone is genuinely being harmed (which of course is not the case here!)

Final note:

Before jumping to conclusions about me, please educate yourself about things like neurodivergence, autism in adults and women in particular, chronic illness, rare and orphaned disease, invisible disability/illness, chronic pain, complex ptsd, Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome and it’s comorbids such as POTS dysautonomia, MCAS (mast cell activation syndrome) and CCI (craniocervical instability) - perhaps through my work! ;)

If following me and wanting to get closer, please do so in the ways that can help me grow and preserve my energy to create more content for you, and please do not become aggressive and/or verbally violent with me for being unable to go beyond my personal communication limits. This has happened to me in the past, and I can no longer tolerate it.

Again and finally, I simply have zero tolerance for abuse whether it be heckling and assuming due to ignorance or targeted hate. I will have to delete/block/ban any violence towards me in any of these ways.

I do understand feeling rejection-sensitive; I have experienced this in the past myself. However, by being mostly unable to PM/DM and unable to back and forth email I am not ignoring anyone for any reason that is personally to do with you - I am just limited in my energy and need to prioritize my physical and mental health (ie. healing from complex trauma) as well as ability to actually work/create content. If/when people can't understand my limits I will have to protect myself.

 Thank you

- Scarlit-Rose Ashcraft aka Dreamer Queen